Don't read this. It's a pity party, but I've got to get my feelings out.
I've been reading blogs, scrolling through Facebook and I've been out trimming a little again. It is depressing, with my mare still in the vets (it is Monday evening here, so tonight is night 4 for her) reading and watching and seeing everyone doing stuff with their ponies.
I am terrified again that things have gone too far. The vet is calling me tomorrow morning and I hope to God she has some good news for Allie. For me.
When I first got her, I had all these dreams about eventing her. We have been out to four dressage comps and that is it. We got off track a bit when I was trimming like mad but we were just about to start jumping (finally) when she hurt her leg. That was September last year and as you know we haven't done anything much since.
Now I don't even know if she will be here this time next year, what with this current hole STILL not healing and allowing food to get through to the sinus and these teeth potentially having to come out and leave an even bigger gap. Is it fair to keep her going like this if eventual healing is possible or am I being selfish now? I guess Christine promised to guide me on that and she hasn't mentioned anything about it as yet.
I just have to trust the fact that I am spending big bucks to have the very best vet treatment and that is all I can do.
But it just isn't fair. Nor for Allie, not for me. I have always strived to be the very best owner to my horses (and all my pets) to the best if my ability. I always put them first, I never sell my horses, I get up super early to take care of her each morning before work and again after work each day. I'm bloody angry (normally I swear like a sailor but I try to keep my blog PG but I feel like dropping the f bomb multiple times). Why my horse? Why my sweet mare? Why me? I see all these horses who have owners who don't bother even getting them proper hoof care and they can still get around low level events and I do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to get there and I just can't
I can't even have a normal healthy horse who I can ride on the weekends on the trail.
This is a really really long process and I'm jack of it.