Friday, 7 August 2009

Dear Mum No#1 and Mum No#2



Hello, Mums!

It has become apparent that I seem to be the object of some kind of experiment you have both plotted in your minds.

Since being here at BCL, the horse you guys like to call "Beckham" (the one I like to call "Honey Bun") has taught me some very valuable lessons when it comes to you people. And I am going to let you in on a few of them, and you give you my views on them.

  1. When in doubt of a human, act completely oblivious as to what they want. This generally works when they are trying to get you to perform some kind of act that you already know how to do (i.e walk through the fence of your yard, or just stand still for the straps of your rug to be put on).


    Gracie in – I got a bit sick of pretending my back legs were incapable of moving when you tried to get me to walk through the gate of my yard, so I gave up on this manoeuvre. Then I got a little tired of acting like the electric fence scared the poops out of me, so I sort of gave up on that as well, since I realised it wouldn't take either of you long before you realised I have electric fencing all around my yard so I cant really be THAT afraid of it, especially since I started going for visits in the horses yard next door, I think you call him "Fox"? I bet your wondering "just how did she get through the fences EVERY NIGHT without managing to break ANY of them? will never know.


  2. When you feel like playing silly buggers, and throwing your human off track, star into the distance at absolutely nothing, and then when they walk you through a gate or lane, rush through REALLY QUICKLY so you knock them over, just to make the worried look more intense.


    Gracie in – As you may have noticed, this is my FAVOURITE game to play with you. Its partly your fault, your "bomb proofing" skills aren't exactly up to scratch. But in all seriousness, those white chair things you and all your friends sit on, they really do terrify me to death at night....


  3. When your human, or any other for that fact, is bringing you your feed, don't chuck a Faith and appreciate it, give them dirty death stares with your ears flat to your neck, they will be in and out in no time.


    Gracie in – Yeh, I have mastered this with some. It kind of doesn't work with you guys, I'm still working on it but its hard when you waving your arms at me and telling me to "bugger off", don't even know what that means..... I just really want the food.


  1. Act oblivious to anything you are being asked by your human when you really could be bothered making the attempt.


    Gracie in – This works a treat!


  1. Try not to show too much affection, it's un-horsey.


    Gracie in – I admit I tried this, but I failed miserably...


  1. When your human gives you a nice long bath, role immediately after you are let off the lead. This generally works better when you are still a wet. Try to get mud everywhere on you, especially on your poll, humans HATE trying to scrub it off.


    Gracie in – I find this works best in the sand arena or in the dustiest part of my yard.


  1. Neigh robustly when I am not in sight, or if I am further then 10 metres of you. This gets annoying, like when you hear one of the dogs barking non stop but you cant do anything about it? Humans cant do anything about our neighing. The impact is worse if you don't stand still while doing it, you will get out of work AND annoy the hell out of your human.


    Gracie in – This is never a problem, I can do this with my hooves tied behind my back and a blindfold on.... go on, test me ;).


So, mums, as you can both see there are few things that make me who I am, some I am still working on, others I am disregarding completely.


Love always, your favourite little bratty mare, Gracie.