I'm going crazy.
I can not stop thinking about this whole thing. Sometimes I am convinced she will be fine - that the damage already done is fixable with this surgery.
Other times I am certain that I will not have a horse this time next month.
Today is one of the latter days. The more I think about it, the more reasons I find to support the 'too far gone' theory. She's older than other horses reported to have this kind of tumour, so the damage must be more severe. The vets are very guarded with their prognosis - although the main vet involved has promised me that she won't let me go too far with treatment if she feels that I am making choices with my emotive side rather than my animal-welfare side. I just don't know. Ugh.
It's really hard to find information online about the results of previous surgeries for similar tumours. They are all locked down scientific journal papers with only a synopsis or summary available to plebs like me.
Google images is rather scary. I have a super strong stomach with this kind of thing and it is still a little hard to look through. Poor ponies. Poor Allie.
I am, however, feeling very comfortable with the descision to take her to Wagga for a CT scan. Not only will it prevent her from having to go through the pain of surgery for no reason if she is too far gone (please, God, no), it also gives us the chance to map out the tumour and the surrounding structures which will enable the vets to put together a detailed game plan with hopefully no surprises when they do open her up.
Surgery (and remember, we are hoping to go to surgery because a dead Allie is the alternative) involves a bone flap to access the area via the sinus. Apparently these types of surgeries heal well cosmetically over time. There are chances of infection etc etc but most seem to have simple antibiotic fixes.
The vet has quoted me up to $5000 for the surgery (if there are some minor complications). The CT scan is an additional $1500.
What would you do in my situation? I think Allie is young and valuable enough to justify the time, money and recovery necessary for this. I will spend any amount to keep her as pain free as possible during this whole thing.
And now I am at the 'we are going to surgery' mindset after talking about all this. I'm flip-flopping like a fish.
Results of the CT scan will be available after the 7th. I guess I will know from then.