Starting again

I'm finding it really hard to get going with Allie again. She's not lame, but she's also not in work, so I think subconsciously I'm avoiding dealing with it.

She's happy, but looking a bit bleached out after some very hot weather. There's another excuse, because the only appropriate time to ride is early morning or late evening and both those times my husband makes me feel guilty for leaving him with Evie.

It's also been quite dry and the arena is dusty. The dust might be a trigger for her RAO, so avoiding riding in the dust is another excuse.

Despite all this, I did hop on late on Sunday evening. Allie was exactly how you would expect a horse to be after 5 weeks mostly off (I've ridden probably 4 times over the last month and a half). She was rushy, inconsistent in the contact, and she pulled a mole stunt where she decided one part of the arena was impossible to canter over, and would stop, prop and rear. We ended up working on it again and again and it got dark so I was cantering in the dark and still trying to sort that shit out. She was a stubborn bitch about it too. All I wanted was one circle of canter each way, but apparently that's too much. We finished on a good note, but the ride left a sour taste in my mouth.

I arranged for Linda to come give me a hand the next evening (Tuesday) but my husband had a whinge and my nan went into hospital and it was all a bit too much to deal with. I'm definitely letting him get to me.

I scratched from the cross country clinic this weekend. It's not fair on Allie who is maybe-lame and definitely not fit enough. Neither am I to be honest.

The lease is suspended at the moment until we figure out if she really is lame or not, so Andrea hasn't been riding either.

So we are stuck in a bit of a rut. I need to sort it out ASAP because if I don't, We are going to miss out on the eventing season.

What do you do when you're in a rut? How do you find the determination and motivation to get started, and to keep going?