Surgery Date

Spoke to Christine, my vet, today. To quote her "I think it is worth a shot, will be big endeavour but the only way forward".

Yep.

So we scheduled surgery for Easter Tuesday - 22nd April. She will be dropped off in the morning and will have the surgery done that day (or the following day if they have emergencies come in after the Easter long weekend). As stated previously, she will have a whopping great big hole cut out of the side of her face for access to the tumour. Apparently the tumour is more pushing out rather than up and in (which is a very good thing!) however one or two teeth may need to come out. Christine is not worried about the infraorbital nerve anymore - she doesn't think it will be a complication. We will have to wait until the surgery to see if the teeth can stay or not. She will need to stay at the hospital for the better part of a week, then home to be on box rest for a short time (poor Allie! MORE BOX REST) then out into a small yard for a time. Antibiotics, bute, ulcer guard etc etc for a little while. Keeping her nostril wiped out and clean and making sure she keeps as calm as possible will be the only aftercare I will need to worry about for a short time. Christine said she won't send her home with me until she is pretty low maintenance.

To get her to eat after she comes home from surgery I am to feed her whatever she likes - I predict that will be leafy green lucerne hay and chaff with Honey B. Worry about putting weight back on her when we can. I don't like feeding my horse junk food but you have to do what it takes in the end. I can get her back on track afterwards.

There will be LOTS of after-surgery follow up visits. We just don't know right now what will be involved until the surgery is done and dusted.

I can not wait until this whole thing is behind us and we are out of the woods and I can go back to worrying about normal things killing my horse like regular horse  people do.

CT Scan Day...

She only weighed 465kg. Not skinny, but needs some weight on for sure.

She had the scan today. I am exhausted and can barely function, so a cross post from Facebook will have to do for now.

Had the biggest day in a very long time today.

Allie went in for her CT scan - while the tumour is still a tumour, it seems to be out of the way of some very very important structures (mostly the infraorbital nerve). There may be a small infection in one tooth which means that the tooth may or may not need to come out.

I still need to talk to Christine, my vet in Sydney (CT scan was in Wagga) but I am hopeful that we are going to surgery with minimal complications.

Meanwhile I spent nearly ALL DAY trying not to burst into tears during two rather difficult chemistry lab pracs. I just.don't.get.it. The maths is really hard to wrap my head around!!

Poor pony mare. :(

The actual procedure went well - she was only out for 30 minutes, recovered well and quickly. The bandage is for her catheter that was removed.

Love

The outpouring of love and understanding I have received since Allie's diagnosis has astounded me.

Last week (in the middle of it all) I started a brand new job, still with the same company but a whole new team and a new location. I had to go home on Tuesday because I was an emotional wreck - and my new team all understood 100%. They have been very kind about my emotional state and have tried to keep me busy and happy. What a welcome!

Not ONE of my clients have had a whine that I have quit trimming. I have left them all in the lurch, having to find new barefoot trimmer (we are few and far between!) to take care of their horses. Not one of them have made that my problem. They have all asked me if there is anything they could do for me, anything at all. All I have to do is ask. Gosh I love my clients. I hope I can get back to trimming sooner rather than later.

My family and friends have been amazing too. You couldn't ask any more from them. Andrew especially. He hates wasting money and we have fought over every large horsey item I have spent thousands on (float, saddles, my truck, trimming gear). But this time, he is 100% with me. If we need to spend some money, we already have it there and he is (not happily, I'm sure) ok with keeping some aside and having our dream of home ownership pushed further away again. What an amazing husband.

And you - the blogging community - are just fabulous. Your comments have helped me in more ways than you will know. Your solidarity, even offers to help financially (!!!) mean the world to me. I feel like I am surrounded by supporters and that I am in no way alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I may not be the most frequent writer, nor the funniest, or talented, or even interesting. But you guys are there and you have my back. <3

Waiting

I'm going crazy.


I can not stop thinking about this whole thing. Sometimes I am convinced she will be fine - that the damage already done is fixable with this surgery.

Other times I am certain that I will not have a horse this time next month.

Today is one of the latter days. The more I think about it, the more reasons I find to support the 'too far gone' theory. She's older than other horses reported to have this kind of tumour, so the damage must be more severe. The vets are very guarded with their prognosis - although the main vet involved has promised me that she won't let me go too far with treatment if she feels that I am making choices with my emotive side rather than my animal-welfare side. I just don't know. Ugh.

It's really hard to find information online about the results of previous surgeries for similar tumours. They are all locked down scientific journal papers with only a synopsis or summary available to plebs like me.

Google images is rather scary. I have a super strong stomach with this kind of thing and it is still a little hard to look through. Poor ponies. Poor Allie.

I am, however, feeling very comfortable with the descision to take her to Wagga for a CT scan. Not only will it prevent her from having to go through the pain of surgery for no reason if she is too far gone (please, God, no), it also gives us the chance to map out the tumour and the surrounding structures which will enable the vets to put together a detailed game plan with hopefully no surprises when they do open her up.

Surgery (and remember, we are hoping to go to surgery because a dead Allie is the alternative) involves a bone flap to access the area via the sinus. Apparently these types of surgeries heal well cosmetically over time. There are chances of infection etc etc but most seem to have simple antibiotic fixes.

The vet has quoted me up to $5000 for the surgery (if there are some minor complications). The CT scan is an additional $1500.

What would you do in my situation? I think Allie is young and valuable enough to justify the time, money and recovery necessary for this. I will spend any amount to keep her as pain free as possible during this whole thing.

And now I am at the 'we are going to surgery' mindset after talking about all this. I'm flip-flopping like a fish.

Results of the CT scan will be available after the 7th. I guess I will know from then.

Radiograph

See that tumor there? Yeah. :(

Heartbroken

Horses have been put on this world to break our hearts and crush us.

I heard from the vet today. This mass is a tooth root tumor. Very rare. Only 3 reported cases in the world. Massive complications. Surgery is going to cost thousands (that's not a problem if she pulls through!). She may end up with a great quality of life. She may not, and need to be put to sleep anyway.

We need a CT scan at Charles Sturt Uni in Wagga Wagga (which means travel 4 hours there and back, $1500 or so for the bill) to see exactly what we are dealing with before opening her up. If we open her up. Depends on the current damage. Basically we need the CT to see if she is even salvageable.

If she is salvageable, surgery will go ahead. Apparently planning is the key here.

Surgery involves a big giant bone flap, to go in through the sinus and then remove the tumor and any damaged surrounding material. The extent of the damage is unknown - best case scenario the other teeth (the last two in the upper left arcade) are ok to stay, although they haven't erupted properly and will never be in the right place.

Worst case scenario, there may be other teeth and bone to remove, leaving a gaping hole. Encouraging a gaping hole to heal and stay closed so there is no communication (i.e. food and debris) between the mouth and sinus is imperative. Her quality of life moving forward partially depends on this.

The other major consideration is the orbital nerve which runs very closely to the area - if this nerve is damaged, the horse does NOT cope well. It innervates the horse's nose, lips and face. Without some or all of this, apparently the horse just goes nuts and is a danger to itself and all around it. Preserving this nerve is their #1 priority during surgery.

Last but not least, it is a possibility that she can bleed out during the sinus surgery, so a donor horse is kept on hand just in case she needs a bloody blood transfusion.

Fuck me. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. My beautiful, sweet mare has a major rare life threatening tumor that needs major surgery to remove. Prognosis if all goes well is quite good, the horse may suffer from frequent mild sinus infections that will be controlled with medication when required. Frequent dental will be another life long commitment.

That's if she gets to that stage.

Why my beautiful mare? She is the sweetest thing, great riding horse. She had a bright future. The vets are very guarded with their prognosis.

What am I going to do if I loose her? If I have to say goodbye? I don't know if I will ever want to be involved with horses again. I think I'm already going to give up trimming in the meantime, until we know what is going on.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Well, shit.

Allie had a bleeding nose last night. It took well over a half hour to stop.

I panicked and took her in to the hospital.

She was scoped - initially nothing to be seen, everything seemed ok so she was tucked into a stable and I left her at the clinic overnight.

This morning they scoped again and then did a skull X-ray. What they found was a large cluster of extra material where a tooth should be that is displacing her actual teeth and pushing them into her sinus and pushing them sideways.

Apparently this case is unusual and they sent the radiographs off to two different dental surgeons to get their opinion. She will need surgery to remove it, plus packing of some sort to help stop wave mouth.

I picked her up today and brought her home with antibiotics to help clear the area in preparation for surgery.

She seems in good spirits, although last week she wasn't too well. It must have flared up.

I just want her to be better again. Even the vets feel sorry for me - the poor horse can't catch a break!

Thank god I have the common sense to have vet insurance (although I think this will eat up the whole $2000 worth of cover for this year).