Allie Stresses Me Out

I'm going to put pictures of Allie at comps in this post to make myself feel better worse.

Look at me. So happy. So Naive

 
Ugh. So Allie has had a snotty nose for about 4 weeks now. Started off in both nostrils (I thiught it was a cold she had picked up), then after a week it moved to just the left nostril, never been particularly bad or particularly smelly. Slight odour, sometimes stronger, sometimes not. She has been eating normally this whole time.

Because it wasn't going away, I emailed the vet and she has put her on 10 days of antibiotics. Two days in, and the discharge is getting worse.

So pretty all clipped with a false tail in.

I'm trying to save judgement until after the course finishes. But I can't help thinking that it might be those teeth causing issues.

I hope they aren't dying. Poo bum sticks.

Frustrating Pony-Mare.

My horse has a problem.

While she is generally a pretty calm horse, I think she does actually suffer from anxiety otherwise known as 'being a worry wort'. Her anxiety levels stay fairly low in the grand scheme of things but she worries about tiny things - like weather changes or having to go in the stable at night because it is pissing down with rain or freezing cold, or even something as stupid as swapping to the other night yard when they stay out.

In their little herd of two, Allie is the watcher on the wall. Gracie lies out flat in the sun, Allie watches for danger. Gracie grazes to her heart's content - Allie stares off into the distance on surveillance. The sheep herd across the road are on the move? Allie is the first to charge over to the fence and watch them to make sure they don't somehow escape their paddock, cross the road, leap the high fence and get in with my horses. (On a side note, my horse is a moron. She is from Goulburn for christ sake and she is scared of sheep?!?!).

Exhibit A - worry-wort eye...

But she doesn't stall walk much, she doesn't whinny and cry out, she doesn't stand trembling when she is scared. She is an internaliser. When she is stressed, she gets tucked up, a little figity and most frustrating of all, she goes off her feed. Remember when Natalie took her away to camp and she didn't eat her hard feed ALL FRICKEN WEEK? How am I supposed to take her away to shows if she won't eat?

Even with good weight on she gets tucked up - this was because the neighbors had their motor bikes out.

Again with the herring gut...

The latest saga of refusing to eat is a result of being stabled since lunchtime Thursday, then being taken to the clinic, sedated and clipped on Friday. We were home by 10am however she did not eat her dinner from the night before and refused to be even slightly interested in the lunchtime feed I gave her. Or her dinner Friday night, or breakfast Saturday morning. Treats hand fed? She no want. Hay? Mostly eaten but not finished.

Cue fuming Lisa.

HORSE! You need to eat - you are already light on - I need to fatten you up so you look like a proper dressage horse! So you don't freeze in winter now you are clipped! How do I fatten you up if you won't eat your bloody grain feeds?! How do  you get the energy to be ridden if you won't eat?

In desperation (and because it was pissing down all day. again.) yesterday I went to the feed store and bought vitamin B12 to stab her with and Apetite to shove down her throat. I gave her 10ml B12 and 30ml Apetite at about 4pm I think.

A couple hours later she was definitely calmer in the stable - she wasn't hanging her head over the door watching for horse stealing bandits, or madly ripping at her hay like a kookaburra with a snake. She was chilling in the middle of her stall with a soft eye and one hind resting. Huh.

Dinner was served at about 9.30pm. Her (tiny) dinner last night was stripped down to the bare essentials - one scoop each of oaten and lucerne chaff and two metric cups of whole oats. That is it - no water, no supplements, no copra or hygain or weightlifter.

It took all night, but she ate it - every last bit.


NB. I realise that if this continues I should have her put on a course of ulcerguard or something. Could be ulcers but unlikely.

Word of the Year

Fenway over at Brays of Our Lives is asking what one word we would apply to 2011 and what word shall be our mantra for 2012.

2011 was a tough year for me, but not by any tangible means. I have had office politics drama at work for the later half of the year that really got to me deeply. I have had 'adjustment' issues at home and the long cold wet winter that turned into a wet spring and then a wet summer really limited my riding. I lost my dog Chakra to cancer after about 2 or 3 months of knowing she would need to be put to sleep soon and that haunted my every thought. We had a vet bill from one of my animals every single month, and I am not talking little ones either. $500 minimum most months, more like $1000. The credit card is maxed out and I'm stressing a little about money because while we are comfortable, we certainly are NOT moving into a home we own ourselves any time in the foreseeable future.

2011 was just a crappy year by Lisa's standards, but I guess it was just life putting a bunch of things in one little space for me to deal with.

My 2011 word is Tough.



I am hopeful for 2012 - starting to claw my way back up again. The rain is clearing up and I am able to work my horse every day. The office politics have calmed down and I have made myself a harder shell so it just bounces off (easy to say when I am on two weeks holiday but anyway!). Home life is getting even better as we are making a bigger effort to understand one another. I no longer even have a dog so there will be no worrying there. My riding is getting better and better each ride and so is Allie. Our budget will actually start to work if the animals just keep themselves out of trouble for a few months, which they will if they know what is good for them!

I have some half formed riding goals in my mind right now. I hope to compete in an intro dressage test and I'm going to join an adult riding club in the first quarter of the year. I'm finally going to register my horse and join the EFA.

My 2012 word is Hope.

The Plan

Above is our plan for New Years Eve tonight. Specifically, avoiding what happened last year.

This year, the girls will be locked up in their stables (where they have spent the night for the last week), sedated, and out of sight of the fireworks thanks to our nifty blue tarps. They will also have some loud music playing from the radio to help drown out the noise.

We can not go through what we went through last year ever again. This will be my NYE every year for the rest of my life. Overkill? Maybe. But it is not worth the risk. Not one bit.

The neighbours had a couple of fireworks last night (maybe 3?) but they were over very quickly. The girls were already stabled away and they were fine. But that loud booming noise - it makes Nat and I feel like throwing up everywhere. I got physically sick and felt exactly like I did last year when we heard them last night.

Last year when we drove in the driveway and saw the fences down, was the absolute worst moment of my entire life up until that point. Then it just got worse and worse as the night drew on. We stumbled through the spider riddled bush looking for any sign of them. Calling, screaming, hearing hooves and soft neighs in our heads but thinking it was real. I even remember thinking "even if we find them dead, at least I know where they are".

When there was a car accident around the corner from my house about a half hour after we got home that night and I thought the horses caused it - cop cars everywhere and the cop I spoke to couldn't tell me what was going on. I swore I heard screaming horses and I envisioned my girls trapped between a car and a tree. It was really just the cop car radios distorting voices but it was all I could do to stop myself from pushing past them and running to see.

Hours of trudging through the bush, calling to them, praying to God, bargaining to just help us find them. Many many friends coming to help us look, some with their horses, some people I had never even met before, in over 40 degree (104 Fahrenheit) heat, all helping to find our mares.

And then the relief, when I thought all was lost, the relief when Andrew called me in hysterics telling me he had found them and they were safe (albeit cut up, thirsty and hungry).

Never ever ever ever again.

It's been raining here again.

Reading Sprinklerbandit’s posts about her wondermare Izzy and Karen’s posts about her lovely gelding Hampton and Kate’s awesome jumping photos of Lucy have gotten me inspired. I want to ride, I want this summer to be amazing and fun and I want to get out there on this horse that has such potential.

To be honest, with the tiny bit of shitty schooling we have done over the winter, she has really improved despite all that and looking back I can see what we have accomplished. But I still feel like we are behind. And I know a big part of a horse learning self balance is being confident to move out. At home, we just can’t get that. We have lumpy grassy areas we can do circles in under the flood light but even on the weekend there is not much of a flat area to ride in. I have felt tiny little glimpses of balance but then the poor mare looses confidence and comes back. If we had a float and a car to tow it we could float over to the local indoor once or twice a week. But we don’t, so there is no use dreaming for now. :P



At least daylight savings starts this weekend! I’m pretty excited about having a couple of hours of sunlight to ride in of an afternoon. And seeing as I am so sick of riding in our pseudo-arena at home I am expecting to go on a lot of road rides throughout summer.



Those mares need some serious work now that they are both 5.



In other news, Chakra is still going strong. No sign of the cancer hurting her just yet, so I am hopeful for another month or so with her. She is happy and healthy right now, so that is enough for me.



Sorry I haven’t really blogged in ages. There is just nothing to report!

Nothing to report... Again.

Rain, rain and more rain has been the agenda of the week. We rode on Monday after work in the dark and it was nice to be back on my horse agin after the finger injury. Allie has been very fussy in the mouth, so I think a dentist visit is due.

This Friday I am taking both girls to another hoof clinic. I'm trimming Gracie there but I want her to just behave so I am bringing Allie along to keep her sane. I know, that's cheating, but the whole point of the day is for me to trim, and to be safe doing so. So ner.

In all this rain we have been stabling them at night if it storms and my horse will just NOT eat her dinner. She eats all her hay, and now that their feed buckets are wall mounted she doesn't poo in it anymore but she just doesn't eat it. She is too busy hanging her head over the stable door looking into the black nothingness that is my backyard. She will eat it in the morning once she is turned out no problems. :<

Chakra is good. We told the vet that we won't be treating the cancer and just keeping a close eye on her. Right now, she is healthy and happy. I'm ok too. I feel at peace with my decision and I know that it is the right one for us. Keep sending happy puppy thoughts our way though please!

Like I said, not much to report.

Harumph

I feel so frustrated at the entire 'fireworks=horses escaping' scenario. It is not fair that my poor brand new, in-work fit horse is now out of work due to injury because of somebody else's gross negligence, somebody else's total failure to consider their neighbors and at least tell me that they were going to have fireworks. Allie was fat, glossy, shiny, (almost) scar free, she was just learning how to balance at the canter with a rider aboard, she had a lovely topline, lovely neck, and was just a picture of health.
Now, she won't eat properly, has dropped weight, lost most of her topline (especially over her loins and her neck), and her coat is covered in scars from cuts during the whole fiasco. Her leg is wounded, bandaged all the time, and she is only just now starting to go back to what she was.

I have another week and a half of wrapping to get through, then a re-assessment to see if it can be left open yet. Then, two weeks at least just on the lunge, mainly at walk with a chambon on to encourage long low topline building, THEN I hope to have a sit on to start the fitness building again, which will take about 3-4 weeks to get her back to where she was fit enough to cope with the schooling she needs. That will take me to mid March probably. I was hoping to have my first lesson with my chosen dressage trainer right about now! I probably won't get to a lesson until end March, early April. That is if I can keep her fitness up after daylight savings finish. Hum hum hum. It just shits me. I have these dreams for this horse and I, and I want to get started dammit!!!

She is sound, and I could possibly start the lunge walking now I think, but she can be a bit of a handful on the lunge and I don't know if I want to risk her chucking a spaz and hurting herself before she is ready for it. What to do? I could ace her for the lunging maybe? I just get really upset looking at her wasted muscles and I don't even want to take any pictures of her at the moment because (to me) she looks so crap, while in my care. I feel like I have failed her. She used to be one of 55 horses where I got her from, and she looked AMAZING. Now she is one of 3, and my only horse, and just to look at her breaks my heart. :(

Poor Allie. Gracie on the other hand is thoroughly enjoying the holiday, and is quickly becoming a menace. She kicked me the other day!! I saw it coming and got out of the way quick enough that I only copped the very end of it in the chest and arm, but still! It wasn't directed at me, but at the other two horses and I was in the way. She KNOWS that it is NOT OK to act like that when there is a person there. She needs to be back in work. Her injuries are fine now, just a little bit of surface healing to go. So Miss Trouble, be warned!!

Hmph.